


it's not the time that matters

by lauraxtennant



Series: Pete's World: Repercussions [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Friendship, Memories, Pete's World, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauraxtennant/pseuds/lauraxtennant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set 8 months after 'Meanwhile, Repercussions' (& a few months before 'life, the universe, everything'). The Doctor finds himself in Pete’s World by accident, and Rose has a difficult conversation with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's not the time that matters

When the Doctor stumbles around the console after landing his ship with a bit of a crash, his eyebrows draw together in confusion. Having only aimed for 21st century London, he’s not quite sure what could’ve gone wrong - and he remains perplexed even as he swivels the console screen around to take a look. It’s only when he hears a gasp that he realises he is no longer alone. He cranes his neck around the side of the rotor. And then, the air leaves his lungs.

“Oh,” he murmurs.

Rose Tyler is staring at him with wide eyes. “What’s - how - what?”

He straightens his posture and comes around the console to face her properly. “Hello.”

“Wrong TARDIS,” she mumbles to herself. “Wrong…Doctor?”

“That’s right,” he says, steeling himself. “You look older. I take it that means I’m in the other universe, as opposed to being earlier on in your timestream.”

Her answer is, “Oh my god,” and she clutches at the railing for support.

“Rose?”

“Why are you here? What’s happened?”

He tilts his head, uncomprehending.

She takes in a deep breath then lets it out slowly. “Do you need our help?”

“Oh. No, no. This was an accident. Much like the first time.” Rose’s expression of relief makes him bristle, so he continues, “You’re centuries in my past.”

He tries not to smile when she folds her arms defiantly. That’s more like it. That spark in her eyes -

“Well. Sort of good that you accidentally popped by. I want a word with you.”

He folds his arms, then, mirroring her. “Oh?”

He watches her as she glances around the room, wondering what she’s thinking about.

Her reply, when it comes, is quiet. “It’s too dark in here.” She nods her head towards the doors. “Park’s just outside. Can we?”

There are lots of reasons he should just refuse, not entertain the notion of getting caught up in any events in her present. Leave without properly talking, properly remembering.

She’s already turning her back.

“All right,” he grumbles, and follows her outside, squinting a bit in the bright light of day.

Rose wanders over to a bench and sits down, holding the seat so tightly her fingers turn a stark white against the wood. A sense of unease settles in the pit of his stomach.

He sits down beside her and tries to converse politely. “I take it that the new TARDIS is grown, then.”

Rose bites her bottom lip, nodding slowly. “Yeah, um. Early days, really. No time travelling or interstellar travel just yet, just a few hops here and there to test the waters.”

“I see. Well, I’m glad it all worked.”

“Yeah. We thought it might take longer, but…yeah.”

“And everything is, um.” The Doctor clears his throat. “Everything’s all right? For you. And…”

She meets his eyes, finally, and smiles. “Yeah.”

“Good.”

They are quiet for several moments, assessing each other, and then Rose looks away, blinking quickly.

“How long?” she whispers.

“Oh, a thousand years, give or take,” he says, waving a hand vaguely. “What about you?”

“Thirteen.”

“Blimey, you must be pushing forty, then.”

“That’s rude.”

“Sorry,” he says, automatically, then shifts in discomfort. He’s not said that word for a while.

The corner of her mouth lifts. “It’s true though. Couple more years. Must be weird for you; seeing me now, nearly the same age as my Mum when you first met her.” She pauses, then, frowning. “I mean, unless you don’t actually…”

“Don’t actually what?”

“Well. Remember clearly. And all that. Been a while, maybe my face is all fuzzy…?”

There’s a strange sort of tightening in his chest, at the way she phrases it, such an uncertain little question coming from such an authoritative and grown-up woman.

“Your face is not fuzzy, Rose.” He leans back in his seat and stares up at the sky. It’s overcast, February, probably; but even though there’s no sun to be seen, it’s so bright, more white than grey. One of those appalling days where you want to wear sunglasses to shield your eyes from the bright sky, but worry that people will look at you oddly for it. Not that he cares what people think, per se, but when in London, he uncomfortably finds that he acts like he belongs. Just a little. Or, at least, he used to. Used to want to. “Nothing about you is fuzzy,” he murmurs absent-mindedly.

“I’ll take that as a huge compliment, then,” she smiles; he sees it in his peripheral vision. That smile. It’s shaky, though, and leaves her face swiftly. Her hands still clench around the wooden bench, and he wonders what it is she needs to say to him.

“Come on, Rose. Spit it out. Stop warring with yourself and get it over with.”

She certainly takes his advice, blurting out, “You’re lucky, Doctor.”

His brow furrows, though that’s hardly a change, these days. “Am I?”

“Yes.” She turns to him and he’s granted with such an accusing expression that he almost flinches.

This is not something he remembers, not something he encountered often, anyway, back when he was with Rose.

She continues, “You changed it. Didn’t you?”

Oh. Oh, that. Well, fuckity fuck. “Rose - ”

“Why? How?”

“I - I realised that it was possible, so naturally I - ”

“Rewrote time.”

“No, no, no, you don’t get it, it didn’t happen in the first place, I never - ”

“Yes you did, Doctor. You told me you did. You remembered doing it.”

“Evidently that was a - a false memory, then. A could’ve been.”

Rose shook her head. “I’m not stupid, Doctor. It happened, you changed it. I mean, why on Earth would you give yourself false memories of committing genocide? Why would you assume - look. You lived with and suffered that pain, the thought of yourself doing that, for so long, how can you just deny that you ever - ”

“I don’t deny that. I don’t. It’s just - it’s complicated, Rose. I don’t expect you to understand.”

She stood up. “No, I know you don’t. But I expect you to understand this: your actions have consequences, Doctor. Have you found your people yet? From where you froze them in time?”

It suddenly, coldly strikes him that she shouldn’t know all this. Gravely, the Doctor stands up to face her. “Rose, how do you even - ”

“One day, months ago, I had to break the news to the Doctor that I’d detected a group of Time Lords on a spaceship bound for Earth.”

Feeling like every muscle in his body had seized up, the Doctor whispers, “What?”

“I had no idea whether they were coming to hurt us, to find you, to do god knows what. Take over the planet, maybe, reassert themselves as prime fucking authority in the universe. And I was terrified that I’d have to put the Doctor in a position where he - ” She shakes her head. “Anyway, they arrived. And we drove out to meet them, the whole world on high alert.”

“I’m sorry, Rose.”

“Do you remember I said, just now, that you’re lucky?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to know why?”

He swallows hard. “Why?”

“Because they were looking for help, for information. They weren’t looking to hurt us, or overpower us. Which means that I didn’t have to walk away from you today without saying a word.”

“Rose - ”

She shakes her head, and he falls silent, watching her warily. “If they’d hurt our children.” She doesn’t finish the sentence, doesn’t even let the statement trail off. It’s so definitive, so steely, and the Doctor almost smiles.

His lips must actually twitch a bit because the next moment Rose asks, “It’s not funny, Doctor.”

“I know,” he chuckles.

“What is it?”

Letting out a sigh, he avoids her gaze. “It’s just that I knew you would be like this, if ever we - if you had children.”

He sees her raise her eyebrows out of the corner of his eye.

“Like what?”

“A…tigress.”

This time she rolls her eyes. “All parents are like that about their kids.”

The Doctor shrugs, and moves the conversation along, “Did he know them?”

Fortunately, Rose knows at once what he means, because he doesn’t feel like he has it in him to spell it out. Her expression softens and he meets her eye again.

“One,” she says, and her voice is quiet.

He closes his eyes, sinking back down onto the bench. She moves with him. “Who?”

“Braxiatel.”

The shudder that goes through him is, of course, involuntarily; but he’d rather he hadn’t displayed such a reaction all the same. It takes him five seconds to reply, but only one to abruptly realise that her hand is in his. “I’m glad he’s alive.”

“Yes.” She gives his hand a squeeze.

“How many were with him?”

“A dozen. We told them what we knew, and we helped them settle on a habitable planet; we had some Rascapans visiting Torchwood recently, and as they’ve got a dwindling population they offered to let this small group of Time Lords hitch a ride with them in return for a few lessons in transdimensional physics and population enhancers.”

“Ah. You know, of course, that Rascapans are universally renowned for being great big swindlers?”

“Not in this universe they aren’t,” she snorts, and her hand leaves his. He flexes his fingers. “My Doctor said the same thing; needless to say, the Rascapans soon proved him wrong with their good will.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway. Brax promised to stay in touch. And once our TARDIS is working properly, course, we can go and see them.”

The Doctor nods absently. “Will you…will you tell me the coordinates? Of the Rascapans’ homeworld.”

“You’re gonna visit him?”

His jaw clenches. “I believe I owe them an explanation.”

“Too right.”

“It wasn’t me, Rose. All right, it was, but it wasn’t this me.”

“No?”

“It was the one before this, along with -” he pauses, watching her seriously, “- along with the one you - knew.”

Rose’s eyes widen. “Why?”

“Because I realised I could.”

“I see.”

“You don’t, though, really, do you?”

“No, I do,” she insists.

They are silent for a while, but the Doctor does not stop watching her. She fidgets, just like he remembers. Fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket, playing with her earring, tucking her hair behind her ear and resting her chin on the heel of her hand as she considers what to say.

“Do you hate me, Rose?”

That startles her. Sitting up straighter, Rose turns so that her body is oriented towards him, giving him her full attention. “No. Why would you say that?”

He shrugs. “Thought you might resent me. For - for many things.”

“Nah.”

“Rose,” he persists, his eyes narrowing.

“Honestly, Doctor. I’m happy, yeah? There’s no resentment, there couldn’t be. Not when…”

“Not when you’ve got a perfect family,” he guesses.

She smiles. “Now you sound resentful. And it’s not perfect. But it’s…it’s fun and mad and lovely. Happy.” Pausing, she pokes his arm playfully. “Wish you were. That would make this easier.”

“Make what easier?”

“Not telling the Doctor.”

“You’re not going to tell him you saw me today?”

“No, I am. I wouldn’t have, I don’t think, if you hadn’t looked so bloody miserable.”

“Why not?”

She doesn’t answer, just breaks his gaze to dig into her pocket. When she pulls out her mobile phone, he stands up.

“No, don’t go yet. I think you should see him,” she says, already dialling.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

The corner of her mouth lifts, along with the phone to her ear. “It’ll make you both feel better.”

“About what?” the Doctor retorts, eyebrows up his forehead.

“Going grey,” she laughs, and he feels his breath catch slightly, which is ridiculous, it’s been centuries, over a thousand years - but that laugh. That laugh.

He remembers how easy it used to come, how easily he could draw it from her. It saddens him, quite a lot, that they’ve been talking on this park bench for a while this afternoon, and he’s only just heard her giggle. A preposterous thing to get frustrated about; but then, he’s feeling so old, lately.

“Hey,” she says, into the phone. “D’you mind meeting me in the park? Yeah, now. Just…could you? There’s - ” Rose pauses to swallow, “There’s someone you need to see. Yeah. Yes…okay. Ta, see you soon.”

“Did he guess?” wonders the Doctor.

“Yep. Said he got the telepathic shivers earlier and assumed someone was walking over his grave.”

“Right.”

“He’s bringing the youngest with him. That okay? She’s only a baby.”

It’s not really all that okay, because he feels like he wants to run back to his TARDIS and get the hell out of her life for good, all the trouble he’s caused her, and he certainly doesn’t want to be confronted with the life he could’ve had. Did have. Didn’t have.

“That’s fine,” he finds himself saying, though it is through gritted teeth, and Rose probably notices.

She slides her hands along her thighs, looking nervous. “Ava’s at nursery and Joseph’s at school.”

“Three,” he murmurs. “Three children. What’s that like?”

“Noisy,” Rose grins, and he smiles back, only a tiny bit reluctantly. “So, um. What have you been up to?”

He thinks about all the things he’s done lately. He realises he can tell her exactly none of it. What would she think of him, if he did? What would she think of the man he is now? He doesn’t think she’d like him, let alone love him, doesn’t think she’d sympathise with him in the least, if he told her what had happened with Clara. But something in him wants to talk, just a bit.

“I have this friend. Clara, her name is. She’s a schoolteacher. Used to pick her up for adventures now and then.”

“Used to?”

He closes his eyes, and when he opens them, the lids feel heavy. “She recently told me to…go away. Shouted it, actually.”

Rose raises her eyebrows. “Did you deserve it?”

“Yes. I did.”

“What’s the matter?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why did you hurt her? What did you do?”

“I don’t know.”

She gives him a sceptical look.

“Well, all right, I do know. There were…several things.”

“So…why?”

He shrugs. “I don’t think I’m a very nice man, anymore.”

“Then get your act together,” Rose snorts, “God knows we don’t need you ruling the roost in the universe if you’re not even gonna play nice with someone who’s supposed to be your friend.”

The Doctor sighs. She’s right. Clara was right. “I think she’d like you,” he murmurs.

“Of course she would, I’m very likeable,” Rose teases, nudging him with her elbow. “Seriously though, Doctor. Did you even apologise?”

His jaw clenches.

“I’ll take that as a no. Don’t be a dick, Doctor. You’re a lonely man who makes his friends his family; you can’t go around pushing people who matter away just because you’ve decided to act like an arse all of a sudden.”

“It’s not exactly sudden…more of a gradual process.”

“Well, sort it out.”

“Mm.”

Her gaze focusses over his shoulder, then, and she beams. The Doctor holds his breath, and turns his head.

He’s wearing the blue pinstriped suit he remembers, along with a baby - strapped into some sort of contraption attached to his chest. He looks ridiculous. The Doctor is wildly jealous that he still manages to exude a sense of dignity, probably due to the fact he isn’t embarrassed in the least to be proudly displaying his offspring in such a manner.

Absurd.

“He’s still wearing that old suit, then.”

“He can only just about still fit into it, so only on special occasions,” she says quietly, with a private smile.

“Oh?” the Doctor prompts, curious.

Rose glances at him. “It’s our anniversary.”

“Oh.” He nods. “I see.” Coughing awkwardly, he tugs on his jacket hem. “Sorry for intruding.”

“That’s all right. I was working, anyway.”

He smiles. “Defending the Earth?”

“Course,” she laughs. “Then I spotted the TARDIS and was about to tell him off for moving her without me.”

The part-human Doctor finally reaches them, coming to stand a few feet away from the fully Time Lord Doctor. She’s right, his past self is turning a bit grey, but only at the temples. The Doctor wonders how he ever looked so young - younger, in fact, technically, than the man standing in front of him.

“Hello,” they both begin, the moment filled with an awful tension.

Rose clears her throat. “I was just telling the Doctor about it being our anniversary.”

The Doctor watches as Rose greets her baby daughter, stroking the backs of her fingers against her tiny forehead.

“Ah.”

“This is Hannah,” Rose introduces warmly, glancing at him.

“Right,” he replies, nodding awkwardly.

Rose extracts the baby from the ridiculous thing strapped to the part-human him’s chest, and takes her into her arms, bouncing her playfully before giving her a cuddle. “I’ll take her to Mum’s, yeah?” she says, glancing at her watch. “Time for me to pick the kids up, anyway.”

“Okay,” replies her Doctor, as he fishes into his pocket. “Here, take the car keys; changing stuff’s in the boot. I’ll meet you at Jackie’s in a bit.”

She smiles, pecking her Doctor on the cheek, and then looks at the Time Lord warily. “I’ll say goodbye then, Doctor.”

He exhales shakily. “Yes. Bye, Rose.”

With one last smile, she points at him. “Get better soon.”

As she walks away, the part-human him asks, “Are you ill?”

“No. She didn’t mean it in that sense.”

“Ah.”

The Doctor tilts his head to gesture at the ring on the other man’s left hand. “Domestic approach, eh?”

He laughs. “Oh, yeah.”

“And a family.” The Time Lord pauses. “I’d wondered if you would.”

“We did, too. We left it a while; Rose didn’t want to tone down the adventures and I…well, I wasn’t really sure if I could do all that again.”

“Yeah.”

He smiles. “We changed our minds, though. Realised how we could make it work. Now? Wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I’m pleased for you.”

“You don’t sound it, but I’ll let you off, given the circumstances.”

“Gracious of you.”

“I don’t really know why Rose wanted us to talk on our own, but seeing as we’re here in this rather unique situation, I’ve got a few questions.”

“I thought you might.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I’ve already had all this from Rose.”

“Well, it’s a pertinent question.”

“Aren’t you glad I did?”

“Theoretically, of course, and I’m glad to have seen Brax again; but where are the rest of them? What have you done to safeguard the universe against them?”

The Doctor meets his other self’s question with a silent stare.

“Right, that’s lovely,” the part-human sighs, rubbing his eye tiredly. “Thanks for taking such a keen and active interest in keeping billions of populations safe from the potential corruption of our people.”

He shrugs. “You’ve got a TARDIS now. You do it.”

“Pretty sure I don’t know where they are,” he points out. “Anyway. There’s no way I’m risking Rose and the children’s lives like that.”

“What, and I don’t have anything to risk?”

“Not if you go on your own, no. Word on the street is, you’ve been granted extra regenerations.”

“How did you - ”

“Anyway,” he continues breezily, taking a sonic screwdriver out of his pocket, throwing it in the air and catching it. “Want the coordinates to go see our dear brother?”

The Doctor grits his teeth. “If you’d be so kind.” He gets out his own sonic, and the part-human Doctor transfers the data between the two devices.

“Anything you want to ask me?” the other him says, as he pockets his sonic.

He thinks for a moment, his eyes drawn to the cloudy sky again. “How do you…how do you stay sane, here?”

There’s no response for a moment, so he looks back at the other Doctor, only to find him staring at him in confusion.

“What?” he asks.

“How do you stay sane,” the Doctor repeats.

“Doctor, we both know I got a really good deal, here. Rose, and an almost-functioning TARDIS, and a family.”

“It’s just so…dull. That sky,” the Doctor says, gesturing to it, then at the bare trees, then at the grey buildings positioned around the park. “All of this…concrete and - and monotony and - ”

“I’m living the life we thought we could never have,” murmurs the other Doctor. “And it’s wonderful. That you look around you right now and only see the grey, well, that’s - that says more about you than it does about me and my life here with Rose, I’m afraid.”

The Time Lord sighs. “Yes.”

“You’re not quite all right, are you,” the other him says next, quietly, gravely.

He looks himself in the eye. “No. But I will be. I think I just - ” He sighs again, and scratches his temple. “I think I have some apologies to make.”

“You know, you’re gonna keep on surviving, so you’re gonna have to start properly living at some point.”

“Mm.”

“Maybe you should look up Jack Harkness, get some tips.”

The Doctor’s eyes widen. “Oh, no, that won’t be necessary.”

The other him laughs. “I miss him, actually. I mean, just a bit. Rose misses him more.”

“Yes.”

They were silent for a few moments, both of them staring out over the park.

“I think I’ll go, now. I’ve planned something a bit special for this evening; don’t want to mess it up.”

The corner of the Doctor’s mouth lifted slightly. “Romantic anniversary dinner?”

“Sort of. A bit. Not really. I mean, it features, but that’s not the highlight. Thought I’d surprise Rose with a jaunt over to see the Aspra constellation star formation.”

“Sure the TARDIS is ready for that?”

“Oh, yeah. Definitely.”

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah.” He rolls his shoulders and then claps his hands together. “Right, then. I’ll be off.”

“Right, yes. I should go, as well.”

“Good luck.”

“Same to you. And, er. Thanks. For the coordinates and for - well. You know.”

His other self nods at him, puts his hands in his pockets, and saunters away.

Letting out a long, steadying breath, the Doctor slowly makes his way back to his TARDIS. Steps inside, closes the door. Stares at the time rotor for a few seconds, then launches into action, pushing and pulling at the buttons and levers on the console.

And then, he leaves.


End file.
